Anyone ever tried taking a trip with a large group of Thais?  Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?  Well, let me tell you something.  It is a confusing process.

The school generously decided to do a two-day team building trip to Trang and Nakhon Si Thamarat in December for Father’s Day.  All expenses paid.

Here’s how the plan went originally:

Meet at the school at 8:30 am on December 5^th.

Take a VIP bus.

Tour S-Tech College in Nakhon Si Thamarat that same day.

Go to dinner that evening.

Second day, go to Trang and have a relaxing day in the islands.

Return home.

Have another four days off.

Here’s how it ended up going:

Tell you the day before that we have a Secret Santa-sort-of-thing and you will need to get a gift for your ‘buddy’.

Meet at the school at 8:30 am.

No, 8 am.

No, 7:30 am.

No, 7 am.

You are on bus number one.

No, bus number two.  Downstairs with Rafik in the VIP area, away from the general public.

Be tortured by eardrum-shatteringly loud and off-key karaoke for 95% of the drive (which is about 3 hours long).

Arrive in Trang wearing your traveling clothes (because you think we will check in to the hotel and go to the school).

After being told “leave your stuff on the bus”, board a ferry boat and leave shore.

Beers are cracked by almost every man on board as soon as we shove off.

Then you will be told that the plan has changed and we are on the way to the islands now.  To swim through the caves.  With no swim wear. Because you were told to leave your stuff on the bus and were not made aware of the change in itinerary.  Fortunately, Rafik has an extra pair of shorts and Teacher O has offered her nice loose top for you to wear to dinner that evening.

In “Thai swim wear” (tee-shirt, shorts, and expensive underwear and bra), go swimming in the ocean.

‘Wow’ the other teachers with your ability to stay afloat and navigate in the water without a life jacket (or “lift jacket”, as the sign read on the side of the boat).

Swim through the pitch black cave using the line of Thai teachers on your right for guidance (they are all holding on to the jacket of the person ahead of them and being towed by the guide).

Freak them out and make them giggle when you gently pinch them on the leg making it seem as if they are being nibbled by fish.

Get to the “secret beach” on the other side of the cave and be greeted by stares of other farang who can’t understand why you are with a giant group of Thais.

Take many, many group photos with teachers.

Attempt to give swimming/floating lessons to some of the teachers. Mildly successful.

Go back through the caves.

Have lunch on board the ferry while traveling to next island destination.

Snorkel, swim, and observe teachers and other Thai tourists at next stop.

Side note:  Thais swimming.  If you have never had the opportunity to watch a group of Thai people go swimming in the ocean, I strongly urge you to do so.  The only way I can describe it and the image that popped in to my head numerous times that day is “plane crash”.  It looks like a group of survivors from a water landing waiting to be rescued.  All in bright orange life jackets.  All flailing around in what (I can only guess) is an attempt at forward propulsion.  Some seem to be drowning despite their safety gear and the buoyancy of salt water.

Pose for pictures with teachers and starfish props.

Have starfish placed on both your shoulders while also holding starfish for photo op.

Further ‘wow’ them by diving off the boat.  Head first.

The day will continue on in this vein until returning to the mainland.

Swim. Get out. Eat. Repeat.

Feedings will be held after every swim and also be given coffee and hot Ovaltine.

Interesting observation.  On the way out to the islands, every one on board (except me and Rafik) had a life jacket on.  On the way back, no one was wearing one and people were sitting on the outside ledge of the boat.  Although no one had learned to swim that day, apparently they were not at all worried about drowning on the way back to land.

Take naps on the way to shore.

Take photos of said nappers.

 

Pass on paying 200 baht for framed photo of you walking down the pier to ferry boat. 

Have school owner purchase for you anyhow.

Take bus back to hotel.

 

Be told dinner is in one hour.

Wear swimsuit as undergarments due to unexpected need to wear undergarments as swimsuit.

 

Be subjected to some sort of variety show and prize drawing.

Be the recipient of a prize. Whitening, ex-foliating body scrub.

Be brave enough to only eat some Lapp, rice, and vegetables as other food is indiscernible.

Excuse yourself at 9:30 pm because you think it will be more polite to leave early than to continue nodding off at the table.

Buffet-style breakfast the next morning.

Eat lots of toast and some noodles.

Get on the bus.

Get taken to (possibly) a former Prime Minister’s home/compound. (Never could get a straight answer about who we were visiting.)

Take pictures and then sit around for half an hour.

Get fed a second breakfast.

Decline to get in another food line.  Eat fruit.

Get on the bus.

Travel to Nakhon Si Thamarat to tour S-Tech College.

Since they have no Foreign Language Department, follow other random departments on a walking tour of very large (and very hot) campus.

Observe as another teacher trips on her 3-inch heels and practically breaks her ankle.

Leave S-Tech College.

Go to lunch and have one of the most satisfying Thai meals yet. Pak Boom (deep fried morning glory), shrimp fritters, rice, cashew chicken.  Pass on the seafood Tom Yum and assorted, unrecognizable fish.

Get on the bus.

Go to a cement factory and sit through an hour long… Lecture? Presentation? Projection of profit and loss for upcoming year? Sales pitch for potential investors?

Still have no idea what just happened at cement factory as you again get on the bus.

Stop for half an hour in Phattalung to buy cake.

Arrive in Hat Yai, back at the school, around 6:30 pm.

Take motorbike to Big C Extra in order to get a bus back to Karjanavanit Soi 1 in order to take another motorbike to Greenview Mansion.

Take the next four days off of work.

At least the last part remained consistent.